At a Loss

I just went back and reread all my past entries, looked at the date and realized how long this has been going on. My rants about Denise, my sensing it was over, everything..... Yet for some reason certain things still sting. She graduates from the academy on November 4 and although she still wants to be friends with me and says I was an important part of her life I am not invited to her graduation party. Mind you we haven't spoken in a month now because she found a new girlfriend, but it's hard anyways. I still have the police bobblehead I bought 5 years ago for her when she first started applying. It was going to be her graduation gift, something that waited and endured all the rejection of applications and sadness. I thought maybe, maybe I still might be able to give it to her, but from her actions it seems most likely not. I can't bear to throw it away yet I don't know what to do with it. It's like I existed during the first part of her academy and then she replaced me. With no other thought or care. Even though she's not worth it, for some reason it still hurts.

Sad Christmas

I don't know how long this war has been going on, but long enough that it has taken somebody I knew...on Christmas of all days...My mom called today to tell me the soldier killed from Freemont, Cheyenne Willey, is my cousin's former brother in-law. (he and I had a bit of history from my cousin's wedding..let me just say he was hot...)

I feel horrible for his sister Stacey. He really was her rock throughout her life, they were so close. It's an awful feeling cause there is nothing to do make it better.

I guess this is what the President wants. A war that goes on long enough to take somebody that each and everyone of us somehow knows.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad

I forget....

I forget sometimes what a self centered bitch she is. Everytime I think there is good in her, nope just wanted something. When she's sick, needy or feeling sorry for herself who does she want around. Otherwise, she's up to her old tricks. Pot calling the kettle black- everything on her schedule-no consideration for my feelings or requests-never getting back to me or forgetting the nice things I take the time to offer her. You would think when someone offers you free tickets or to do something with them you could at least give them an answer. Funny how she conviently forgets that I've been paying for her phone for the last 6 months. Just give me my money bitch, take your phone and GET THE HELL OUT! STOP USING ME!!!!! And take your little busy body friends with you....
  • Current Mood
    rejuvenated rejuvenated

No Doubt

Ever wonder why you loved somebody. Good lord, the ass told me to call her tonight and then was a total bitch. Good reminder I'm better off now then I was before.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated


My dishwasher is gurgling away, hopefully the recorders inside won't melt! If you can't tell I'm procastinating, too much lesson planning left to do for tomorrow. ARGGHHHH!!!
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy


A slow and sleepy day is what it's been! Too much tequila will do that. I'm going leave my uselessness behind and head off to work. I'm little bit worried about my kitty, she's sleeping under the couch with her head down, very different behavior for her. I hope she's ok..
  • Current Mood
    slow mo


So I feel like every time I post on here it't because I'm complaining about something- so I guess I won't break that pattern.

I'm irked because the roommate of my closest friends that I've been hanging out with has everyday been IMing my ex-girlfriend of 5 years. I think it's weird. Yesterday was the first I heard of it, and apparently it's been going on for over a month now. He called her to invite her to a bowl a thon and got her IM then and has been talking to her everyday. More than I talk to her. And what also hurts my feelings is that I wasn't invited to this event. I know he and I arent' close, but we definitely cross each other's paths more frequently, like twice a week at least. And the fact that he needs to seek out my exgirlfriend and now chat with her, I don't know what to think. Also, she never told me about this until I confronted her last night about it. I'm pretty sure they are only friends, but I still think the whole thing is fucked up. Here I am having to survive without my girlfriend of 5 years and this dude who only played softball with us can't seem to not have her in his life. He never spent anytime with her before, why does he have to talk to her now? I'm trying to move on and build my own life now, separate from her. I don't contact any of her friends or let me rephrase- people she is in constant contact with- so what is this all about?
  • Current Music

yumm yumm

I like this horoscrope...

Don't snatch at crumbs -- astrologically speaking, a big, beautiful frosted cake (and more) awaits...
  • Current Music
    Young and the Restless

Clinging on

Taken from Tim...thanks for the good thought...

A Thought fo Today
This is the beginning of a new day.
I have been given this day to use as I will.
I can waste it -- or use it for good.
But what I do today is important, because
I am exhcanging a daay of my life for it!
When tomorrow comes,
This day will be gone forever,
Leaving in its place something that I have traded for it.
I want ti to be gain, not loss;
Good, and not evil;
Success, and not failure;
In order that I shall not regret
The price that I have paid for it.
-- Dr. Heartbill Wilson

As I reread an entry in May, am I really suprised the end is here- apparently I hit the nail dead on, I ditto those sentiments right now...

except- I wouldn't mind a little naked hottubbing with James, I think that's where my clouds cracked for new light....I'm feeling kind of wicked!
  • Current Music
    All My Children